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1948 - Honest Ed's

from This Troubled Land by Circles

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about

“I’d also run an ad in the papers which I’d scribbled out on our kitchen table. It said:

Our Building is a dump!
Our Service is rotten!
Our Fixtures are orange crates!
But!!!
Our Prices are the lowest in town!
Serve yourself and save a lot of money!

Regardless of the exclamation points — which, like pink-and-black backdrops are one of my weaknesses — the pitches paid off. All that Saturday I accepted cash offers (always for more than if I’d priced them), punched the till, and watched a torrent of customers pour in. In a word, we were mobbed.

It was the opening day of Honest Ed’s.”

Page 52, Honest Ed Mirvish: How to build an Empire on an Orange Crate or 121 Lessons I Never Learned in School

lyrics

Honest Ed is never right, his bargains are never left
Honest Ed is never right, his bargains are never left
With prices like these, well, it’s practically theft

Honest Ed is repulsive his bargains are appealing
Honest Ed is repulsive, his bargains are appealing
Come in and get lost, don’t mind the dripping ceiling
Never before, never again
These prices are insane

Never before, never again
These prices are insane

Honest Ed’s – the largest self-serve department store in the world
Please don’t bother our help – they have their own problems!
Serve yourself and save a lot of money
It’s fun to shop at Honest Ed’s
There’s no place like this place, ANYPLACE!
How cheap can a guy get? Come in and find out!
Honest Ed’s a nut – but look at the CASHEW save!
Don’t just stand there – BUY SOMETHING!
WORLD FAMOS BARGAIN CENTRE
Come this way you lucky people!
A barraging center like this happens once in a lifetime – sometimes never!
There’s no place like this place – ANY PLACE!
It’s fun to shop at Honest Ed’s!
West building Main floor – health & beauty; film & sundries; TTC tickets and tokens; dental clinic; pharmacy; cashiers
West building Second floor – children’s wear; bedding & rugs; luggage
West building Third floor – ladies wear; shoe department; restrooms
West building basement – hardware & toys; small appliances; pet supplies
East building main floor – gift ware; houseware souvenirs; cashiers
East building second floor – menswear; hair salon
East building basement – groceries; furniture; sports department

Honest Ed’s a freak! Bargains coming out of his ears!
Honest Ed’s a freak! Bargains coming out of his ears!
Come on down to honest Ed’s now, before it disappears.
Come on down to honest Ed’s now, before it disappears.
Come on down to honest Ed’s now, before it disappears.

credits

from This Troubled Land, released October 11, 2016
Matthew Roberts – composition, lyrics (some selected from Honest Ed’s signage), double bass & spoken word
Alex Samaras – vocals
Tom Fleming – electric guitar
Chris Pruden – piano
Mackenzie Longpre – drum kit

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Circles Toronto, Ontario

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